I don't mind saying it. I hope the Pacers take out the Heat. #overrated

13

The last blog I’ll ever write (until after the Rapture, of course)

May 20, 2011 12:05 am by Paul Jenkins in American Christianity, Culture, Stupid Things Christians Do

I always wondered what it would be like to know I only had one day left to live, and now I do.  Obviously, this will be the last blog entry for, well, ever.  Apparently the rapture is taking place tomorrow, not because God said so (because if I read the Bible correctly, He won’t), but because a sweet, little, 89 year-old false prophet named Harold Camping did.

Sure it seems kind of harsh to call someone’s grandpa a false prophet, but just because he drinks a lot of prune juice doesn’t make him harmless.  In fact, I’d say it makes him a bit more dangerous because his appearance makes him a little more believable (that was just one of the multitude of points I tried to convey recently in a post about Boston Rob and Survivor, too).  There’s something that seems nice about a man who can pull out his teeth, but he’ll fool you quicker than the blink of an eye, which, ironically, is how long it takes for those of us who are raptured to get out of here:

It will happen in a moment, in the blink of an eye, when the last trumpet is blown. For when the trumpet sounds, those who have died will be raised to live forever. And we who are living will also be transformed. (1 Corinthians 15:52)

Before we camp out too long on this prediction that the rapture will take place on May 21, 2011, (and we can’t take very long, since we’ve all got a lot of last minute stuff to do, like GET RIGHT WITH JESUS and such) let’s start off with the only real argument from Scripture about why Harold Camping is a heretic:

But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son,but only the Father (and Harold Camping)…so you also must be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him.  (Matthew 24:36,44 – heresy added)

Did you catch the 2 main points in those verses?

1. No man knows the day or the hour.  No man.  Period.  Now, I suppose it could be debatable as to whether or not a man could know the month and the year, but day and hour?  Nada.

2. We’re supposed to always be ready because there’s some element of surprise built into the end of the world event.  Following Camping’s mathematical wizardry (which includes taking the square root of the tangents of the multiplied cosines of the angles found in the upper deck of Noah’s ark and then dividing that number by the totaled width of the moon phases since the last day before “W” became a lame duck president), it looks like we may be able to sin right up until the end as long as we leave ourselves just enough time to whisper a quick “I’m sorry” to Jesus.  Good to know.

See, stupid. Let’s dig a bit deeper and see if it don’t get more stupider (sorry, I couldn’t resist the bad grammar).

Harold Camping first predicted the rapture would take place on September 6, 1994, but after missing that one still felt confident enough in his predicting abilities to then change the date as necessary to September 15, then September 25, then October 4, next was December 25, then February 25, 1995 and finally May 3, 1996.  All of these dates were based on Scripture, albeit very liberal translations of Scripture.  As an example, the Christmas date was based on the fact that Revelation 11:10 mentions the giving of gifts.  There are no words for how bad of a misuse of Scripture that is.

So, like all prophets who are wrong 7 times over a couple of years about small things like the end of time, Camping took some time off to find his game and raise as much money as possible to use later when he’d return with another bold prediction.  Turns out, he wasn’t wrong about the significance of September 6,1994, but instead of it being Judgement Day for everybody, it was the beginning of the Great Tribulation.  According to Camping, then, “simple arithmetic would put the return of the Lord no later than 2008.”   His fatal flaw, of course, is that his formulas for date picking aren’t simple math, and so he missed again.

Now, it appears, the 9th time will be the charm, and so Harold “If I keep guessing someday I’ll be right” Camping and his ministry at Family Radio have been spending millions of dollars on a billboard campaign announcing that the rapture (when all believers leave earth and go to heaven) will take place on May 21, 2011.  What’s interesting to me is that the campaign’s website is WeCanKnow.com.  I guess the domain WeThinkWeCanKnowAfterEightWrongGuesses.com was taken.  Curse you, GoDaddy.

Now, it’s possible that I have misjudged Camping, and if he’s right and I’m wrong, I’ll be happy to apologize here publicly on The Blog Channel.  Wait, if he’s right and I am wrong, then I won’t be here to write it.  Well, I guess this will have to serve as a pre-Rapture apology that others can read if he’s right. I’ve got no problem admitting when I’m wrong.  But will he?

He didn’t the other 8 times, so my guess is he won’t this time, either.  And that’s what burns me up about men like Camping.  They are able to spout this garbage with little to no accountability, and they screw with good people like Allison Warden, who is the lady beside the car featured above.  She is so convinced in what Camping has said, that not only did she get an awesome car decal, but she also went on record saying

If May 21 passes and I’m still here, that means I wasn’t saved. Does that mean God’s word is inaccurate or untrue? Not at all. (source)

Ummm, no.  It means you were wrong, not about your salvation necessarily, but about your ability to discern when someone’s lying to you.  Don’t worry, Allison, you weren’t alone.  Seems that a retired subway worker spent all of his 20 year retirement savings putting ads up in subway cars and busses around New York City.  In fact, it appears that lots of people have been selling a lot of things that they may need on May 22 in order to get the word out about how they won’t be here to use any of it.  Well, almost everyone.  3 guesses who hasn’t gone all in.

That’s right.  Harold Camping.

While people give themselves totally to his message, he’s sitting on Family Radio, which is estimated to be worth $70 million. Yep.  That was MILLION.  That’s a lot of money he won’t be needing in a few days, and yet he has twice ignored offers to purchase what he will no longer be here to use.  One man offered to buy everything for a dollar, but another group offered $1 million for the radio network. Camping isn’t selling.  That’s the way to be totally committed to the cause, Grandpa!

It’s a bit surprising that he wouldn’t sell it all, just like many of his devoted followers, especially in light of his statement to New York magazine when they requested an interview on May 22.  Camping’s response?

I can’t even think about that question because you’re thinking that maybe, maybe Judgment Day will not happen. But it will happen, and I believe the Bible implicitly.

Really?  Implicitly?  Surely he knows that the word means “unquestionably and without reservation,” right?  It seems that he would happily be selling all he had if he did believe it implicitly, or at least he’d be giving most or all of it to the poor of the world who will no doubt be needing it on Sunday.

If Camping does believe the Bible implicitly, might I suggest he meditate on Deuteronomy 18:20-22.

But a prophet who presumes to speak in my name anything I have not commanded, or a prophet who speaks in the name of other gods, is to be put to death.”  You may say to yourselves, “How can we know when a message has not been spoken by the LORD?”  If what a prophet proclaims in the name of the LORD does not take place or come true, that is a message the LORD has not spoken. That prophet has spoken presumptuously, so do not be alarmed.

So, if a prophet didn’t speak for God, he was to be put to death.  And the way you knew he didn’t speak for God was when what he prophesied didn’t happen. So, we should have a pretty good clue about what should happen to Camping when we wake up on May 22nd, right?  Perhaps, if he needs another idea for his next publicity stunt and fundraiser after May 21 comes and goes without any of us going, he could post a video on YouTube showing how he lives out this part of the Bible implicitly.

I’m sure it would go viral, aren’t you?




3

The Brotherhood of the Sweatpants

May 19, 2011 9:03 am by Paul Jenkins in Culture, General Stuff

One of the beautiful things about the way we’re made is that we can quickly and easily do things on auto-pilot.  We become creatures of habit, and the routine tasks we face each day are often performed with little to no thought.  Have you ever noticed that you put the same leg into your pants every time?  Try putting the other leg in first tomorrow and you’ll probably find the task a bit more challenging.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with this.  It’s good that we don’t have to allocate a large percentage of our brain power to mundane things, but the danger is that if we never move out of the “no brainer” areas in our lives, then we will forever become members of The Brotherhood of the Sweatpants.

Don’t get me wrong.  I think sweatpants are awesome and can even think of some times when they’d be a fantastic choice for pants wear.  After a long run on a cold winter morning, there’s nothing more comfortable than a nice, warm pair of sweats.  I would imagine (since I’m a dude that’s all I can do) that if I was, say, on the verge of delivery after 9 months of pregnancy, a pair of XXXXL sweatpants would be quite nice, especially if they came with personnel who would wait on me hand and foot until the birth.

So, this isn’t a rant on how we never need to wear sweatpants.  It’s a rant about how we don’t need to always wear sweatpants.

(Surely you’ve been to Wal-Mart and seen the proof of why that last statement is true, but if not, exhibit A is on your left. You can click it for a larger image, but why? It ain’t gonna get any better.)

As the B99 and I were talking this morning, we discussed the tendency we all have to fall back into what’s become comfortable for us.  Given the choice, I’d say most people would always opt for the relaxed and comfortable over what feels, well, the opposite of that.  And therein lies the problem, and the clue to why so many of us have stopped growing in our faith, our careers, our relationships.

Growth isn’t comfortable.  It isn’t like pulling on that favorite pair of velour sweats.  It’s like putting on a pair of brand new, “just pulled the tags off and they’re really stiff” jeans.  You don’t feel like you can even bend your knees in them, and immediately you start to devise some way to “dress up” your trusty old sweats for that meeting that you’ve got down at the cafe later.

We’ve all seen The Brotherhood, and we don’t want to join them. We don’t want to be in the group that walks around in public proudly dressed to communicate to the entire world that they’ve quit caring. No, let us be in the group that wants to grow, mature, and be better today than we were yesterday.  You and I will form the society that values the hard work of the soul in order that we might establish a whole new level of comfort, a place where we can perform on auto-pilot the tasks that today feel like work.

And it all starts by slipping out of something comfortable.




2

Our search for energy

May 18, 2011 9:15 am by Paul Jenkins in American Christianity, Culture, General Stuff

We’re obsessed.  You can’t watch television very long without seeing those same tired workers grabbing one. Row after row at the grocery stores are lined with an ever-increasing variety of them, and cases of them call out to weary drivers at convenience stores along the winding roads of our country.  It seems that we can’t get enough of these energy drinks, and the craze that first hit the U.S. with Jolt Cola in 1985 has grown into a multi-billion dollar industry in 2010.  But doesn’t it beg the question: why are we so tired?

There are, I’m sure, a myriad of reasons, but let’s just deal with the most obvious: we’re not sleeping well. Only 30% of people responding to a recent survey by the CDC said that they slept well every night for the past month, and 11% said that they had absolutely not slept well.  That leaves half the population somewhere in the middle trying to figure out how to sleep in a way that will allow them to get up refreshed in the morning, or at least refreshed enough not to bump into furniture on their way to the coffeepot.  Our answer to this sleep dilemma? Energy drinks. Is anyone else intrigued by the fact that our answer isn’t to stop staying up until 3 a.m. playing the latest Tom Clancy X-box game or watching the latest hairstyle only possible with Bumpits?

In typical American style, we treat the symptom and not the cause.  We drink more energy instead of doing the very thing that would give us enough energy so that we wouldn’t need to drink more energy.  Bizarre?  Ummm, yeah.

But here’s what’s even more bizarre.  We do the same thing in our faith.

There’s a gem of truth found near the end of the short book of 2 Thessalonians.  In the 13th verse of the 3rd chapter, Paul wrote 7 short, thought-provoking words:

…never tire of doing what is right.

That’s a fairly tough one to chew on, because if we’re all honest, doing the right thing actually can be tiring, right?  Haven’t you ever done good things for people during the day and still ended up sprawled out on the couch mindlessly watching the mouths moving on the late night news without having a clue what they’re saying?  Of course you have.  So what does it mean to never tire, and how does that relate to our culture’s obsession with energy drinks?

A quick study of the word for “tire” will teach us that the Greek word means “to be utterly spiritless, to be wearied out, exhausted.”  Let the first part of that definition shine some light on the command to never tire. Other translations use the phrase “don’t grow weary in well-doing” and by using the definition of the word for weary, the command becomes “don’t grow spiritless in well-doing.”

Want a sure-fire way to tire of doing what is right?  Do it without the Spirit.  Keep on doing the right thing in your own strength because you’re pretty sure you’re supposed to, and keep on doing it long after you’ve realized you no longer want to.  The American church has grown weary in it’s well doing.  She seems tired of doing what is right, and her answer is an exciting worship set, a charismatic message from a great orator, or more activities than you’d expect to find on a luxury cruise liner.  Doesn’t seem much different than grabbing a 5 Hour Energy drink, and from the way that most church members can barely hang on to their faith from Sunday to Wednesday and back to Sunday again, I’d say it lasts about as long.

Maybe it’s time that we stop feeding the symptom and start admitting the cause: we are Spiritless, and we won’t find more energy in more activities buoyed by more stimulants.  We’ll find more energy in returning to the root cause and taking to heart the words of Jesus:

…apart from Me you can do nothing. (John 15:5b)

Just like trying to fix a bad marriage by doing more together instead of being together more is destined to fail, we need to recognize that doing more for Jesus while being with Him less will end with each of us tired, empty, spiritless and exhausted.

What is we threw the whole thing in reverse, though?  What if we chose – for a season – to do less for Him while spending more time just being with Him?  My guess is that we would find the end to our search for energy, and an overwhelming supply ready to sustain us as we do right.




4

Living with our heads down

May 17, 2011 12:36 pm by Paul Jenkins in American Christianity, Culture, General Stuff

My drive around town got a little scary today. As I slowed to stop at a red light, I looked to my left and saw a truck pull beside me and was surprised to see the driver was a woman who looked to be in her late 50s, wearing reading glasses and typing on her phone with both thumbs as her car rolled to a stop.

First lesson learned? As soon as the light turned green, I was getting as far away from her as quickly as I could.

Second lesson learned?  We do some pretty stupid things with our heads down.  Like drive cars.  I’m amazed at how many people I pass on the roads who are looking down as they drive a 4,500 pound metal machine and don’t think twice about it.  Translation?  Accidents waiting to happen.  And smart people know to get as far away from those as they can so that they won’t be hurt when the inevitable tragedy takes place.

Nowadays we walk with our heads down, too.  Maybe we’re fascinated with our choice of footwear, but more likely we’re texting or changing our social status with little regard for where we’re going.  The result?  Padded lamp posts in London to protect the 1 in 10 texters who walk run into them, or an instant  viral video when a woman falls into a fountain at a mall while texting.

Look, I tell you, lift up your eyes, and see that the fields are white for harvest. (John 4:35 – ESV)

Third lesson learned?  The church has a responsibility in America to lift up her head.  To be aware of the culture around us and the needs in front of us.  Is it possible that the culture we’re called to reach is moving as far away from the church as possible simply because they see us living our faith with our heads down and they can see the crash that’s imminent?  Have we become so consumed with our own agendas, practices, and kingdoms, that we’ve lost sight of those around us and have become immune to the potential damage that we can cause if we continue down this road?

We need to stop praying just for eyes to see.

The time has come to ask the Lord to give us the courage to look up.




6

The Boston Rob Phenomenon

May 16, 2011 2:27 pm by Paul Jenkins in American Christianity, Culture

So, it’s over.  Survivor: Redemption Island wrapped up last night and Rob Mariano – better known as Boston Rob – finally won the million dollar prize and the title of “Sole Survivor.”  It’s something that he’s wanted for over 10 years, and now, he’s got it.  The crazy thing, though, is that last night’s finale showed me a scary side of our culture, one that brought me back to a book I read years ago when I was in graduate school, and made me wonder if Rob really won what matters most.

Peace Child is a book that details the saga of Don Richardson and his work among the Sawi tribe in Western New Guinea.  It’s a great read, especially for those who are interested in cross-cultural stuff, and in it Richardson shares the frustration of trying to explain the concept of Christ’s love to a culture that held treason and betrayal up as virtues instead of vices.  Think about that for a moment.  A culture totally turned upside down.  A culture that exalts the bad and diminishes the good.  Missionary historian Ruth A. Tucker wrote about Richardson:

As he learned the language and lived with the people, he became more aware of the gulf that separated his Christian worldview from the worldview of the Sawi: “In their eyes, Judas, not Jesus, was the hero of the Gospels, Jesus was just the dupe to be laughed at.”

This year on Survivor, I started seeing that gulf more and more.  The ones on Survivor who tried to uphold the teachings of virtue and honor became the punching bags, and the ones who orchestrated the betrayals – the “blindsides” – which have become such an integral part of the game, were lauded with praise.  It is so evident that, after a season in which Rob admitted to multiple blindsides and treachery, host Jeff Probst said Boston Rob had played “as close to a perfect game as anybody’s ever played on ‘Survivor.’ “

In other words, the qualities that all of us try to work out of our children are now the same ones which allowed Rob to play the perfect game of Survivor, and the qualities which we would want to be strong in our children – honesty, integrity, etc. – are the ones which come under fire.  I’m reminded of Paul’s words to the Romans:

Do not allow what you consider good to be spoken of as evil. (Romans 14:16)

It’s interesting that Paul wrote those words after a pretty lengthy discussion concerning outward actions that we may differ on that really don’t have anything to do with the foundation of the faith.  In other words, we’ll draw lines over trivial things like our opinions, but we won’t draw lines over issues of substance, like a culture that is growing more and more comfortable with our heroes having a dark side.  One must ask the question: what allows us to blindly follow the culture as it runs the good of Christ’s message into the ground?  My answer?

A winning smile.

As I watched Survivor this season, I kept finding myself liking Boston Rob more and more.  Maybe it was the smile, or the “aw shucks, who me” demeanor.  Whatever it was, I found my defenses dropping the more I watched, and I wasn’t even in the game with him.  (Apparently, Boston Rob won over America, too, as he took home the most popular player award and another $100k.)

If you were like me, every Wednesday night you’d find yourself hoping that someone – anyone – in the game would blindside the blindsider, but we forgot that they had been won over by the seemingly innocent smile and drivel, as well.  Funny how the people on the opposing tribe could see Rob for who he was, but those closest to him couldn’t.  There’s a lesson in there about distance and perspective, but I’ll let you hash it out.  We’ve still got a bit to go on our current idea.

Now, before you start bashing me for hating on the lovable Boston Rob, let me write what I know you’re thinking.

“It’s only a game.”

To some degree, I think that might be true.  But what degree would that be?  When does the line between the game and the true character of the player become so blurry that there is no longer a distinction between the two?  Isn’t that in part what Grant was getting at in the live finale?  These 2 guys were close on the island, but have no relationship now because Rob stabbed Grant in the back, and Grant started seeing that maybe there’s a reason why someone can do that so easily in a game.  Perhaps it’s actually just a part of who they are.

I don’t know Boston Rob.  He seems like a nice enough guy, but isn’t almost always the nice guys that do the most damage?  They’re the ones that can get in close, and at just the right moment, hurt us the most.  Isn’t that probably why the devil doesn’t actually wear red long-johns and carry a pitchfork?  He’d be way too easy to spot and guard against.  Instead, the Bible say that he masquerades like an angel of light. That’s right.  Apparently, the devil seems to be a real nice guy, too.

In a culture that is driven by art (which ours is), there comes a time when the artist has to be aware that the artwork is a piece of him or herself.  It isn’t always enough to do whatever we want and then sweep it under the rug with “it’s a game” or “I’m just acting out a role.”  If you can portray something that is totally opposite of who you say you really are, then I suspect that you don’t really know yourself that well, and upon further examination you may be surprised to find out that you are more like what you portrayed than you think.

All of us fail in this area.  It is not just Boston Rob, or Natalie, or the Federal-Agent-Stealth-Bomber dude.  We all see things in our own lives that are 180° from what we want to be, and instead of doing the hard work of the soul, we shrug it off with a simple, “That’s not who I really am.”  Really?

Perhaps the greatest lesson that can be learned in this season of Survivor is that bringing your values into every circumstance is difficult, and at times we will fail.  But in the end, the struggle to maintain faith and integrity in every arena we find ourselves in is worth it.  Just ask Matt, who heard Mike say with tears in his eyes during the live finale that Survivor had transformed him through the conversations he’d had about God and faith with Matt during the game.

Matt was tested.  Did he do everything perfectly according to his convictions?  Maybe only the cutting floor knows for sure, because we don’t get to see every second of the game, but my guess is that his head is high this morning because of the witness he was for Jesus, faith, and character.

The tension between faith and culture is hard, and it makes me appreciate people like Matt and Mike who are willing to live in that tension instead of taking the easy way out and allowing the situation – or “gameplay” –  to dictate what they’ll believe and when.  In the end, of course, they lost.  Didn’t they?  Because Boston Rob won.  Didn’t he?

His prize? One million dollars, the “Sole Survivor” title, and a glaring, soul-burning question:

“It was just a game, wasn’t it?”




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