It was dark again. Nighttime always made her think. Maybe that’s why she feared the darkness so. It seemed to push against her, draining her of any hope that the day may have brought her. Problems that seemed insignificant during the day grew unconquerable as the soon as the sun retired.

She listened to her husband of four years sleeping beside her. Her mind raced, replaying all the fights from the day. She hadn’t realized until now that there had been so many, and while he slept, she panicked. Once again, she muttered to herself, he wins. His rhythmic breathing filled the empty night air, and she found herself resenting him even more.

How have we come to this, she wondered, almost letting it slip through her lips. She began searching the four years since their wedding day, and even the few months of courtship beforehand. There had to be something that had happened, something that seemed too small to deal with at the time but which had grown over the years together. She was relieved at the idea of finding the cause and quickly resolving it, returning their lives to normal.

Nothing. Impossible, she muttered. There has to be something, someplace where the gulf between them had started to form. The horror of finding nothing began to fill her throat, and she coughed, struggling for air. She felt trapped, unable to escape the daily fight she was in with a man she cared so deeply for and yet whose very existence seemed to make sharing her love with him impossible. She wiped the water from her face – maybe a tear or two, but mostly cold sweat – and tried to calm herself. She closed her eyes and gave sleep another try.

Hopelessness – Part II tomorrow…