4 tips to guarantee you’ll be successful at leading no one

For all you leaders and leaders-to-be out there…

With tongue firmly in cheek, I now offer you…

4 tips that will guarantee you’ll be successful at leading…

…no one.

Convince yourself that you know more than others.  You’re the expert, so make sure to offer your supreme wisdom to everyone.  You’ll find them grateful for you superiority.  Of course, they won’t be around to hear any of your advice, but I’m sure that’s because they’re all out looking for the perfect gift to give you to show their appreciation for how small you make them feel every time you’re around them.  Sure the Bible talks about considering others better than ourselves (Philippians 2:3), but you learned that lesson years ago, which is why you can now tell everyone else how good you are at living it out.  Just be sure to shout it, because it’ll be hard for them to hear it, what with them being so far away from your fount of wisdom.

Never learn from your mistakes, but always help others learn from theirs.  This will be confusing for others at first, because most of us are pretty sure that all of us fail some of the time, and so your life serves as a confusing quandary for the rest of us, but we’re thankful to have people in our lives who can so quickly point out all the things we’re doing wrong.  It really helps us grow…farther away from you.

What’s really ironic about this tip is that we all know that none of us is perfect.  Heck, even Jesus said that no one was good except the Father (Luke 18:19), and Jesus actually WAS perfect.  So as you try to appear as if you live a mistake-free life, what you’re actually doing is freeing yourself from having any credibility with anyone else, because people can’t really trust people who act like they aren’t, well, real people.

Remember that you don’t need others; they need you.  It would be rare that you would find yourself in a moment of weakness – after all, you are the expert and you don’t make mistakes – but if you do, never let anyone know it.  The last thing you want is for all the other weak people who need you to be their rock to find out that you’re {gasp!} like them!  If you really want to succeed, be sure to keep all of your relationships on an “I’m ok and you’re not until you let me help you” level.  That way, you can be the hero. Yes, Paul did write in the Bible that our weaknesses are supposed to show God’s strength (2 Corinthians 12:9), but I’m sure God would be okay with you letting the weaknesses in others show everyone how strong you are!

Never do anything with others who aren’t like you or don’t like you.  I’m going to shoot straight with you: being God’s gift to a world of people who aren’t as smart as you, as good as you or as strong as you will be tough, and if you had needs, it would be the need for people to encourage you.  But that would require showing weakness, and since you can’t do that, you’ll probably want to only hang out with other people who are also God’s gift to the rest of us, who are like you and who actually like you.  Finding those people can seem like a daunting task, but I’ve got good news for you.  It’s not as hard as you might think.  Typically, it just requires a mirror.

And now, you’ve even succeeded at that.  Enjoy celebrating at your party of one.

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