Love isn’t passive (why tolerance can’t be the goal)

In a world where “love” is often reduced to warm feelings and polite silence, we need a serious reset on what love actually looks like—especially for those of us trying to walk the Jesus way.

It’s become trendy to define love as agreement. Or at the very least, as never disagreeing. We’ve been sold the idea that to truly love someone means we must never confront, challenge, or correct them. But that’s not love—that’s fear wearing a polite smile.

Real love, godly love, is far more courageous.

Let’s be clear: love is not about control. It’s not about shouting others into submission or demanding uniformity. But neither is it about indifference masked as “live and let live.” Love isn’t passive. Love leans in. Love risks the hard conversation. Love speaks the truth—even when it’s costly.

God’s Love Is a Loving Interruption

Hebrews 12:5–6 tells us plainly:

“The Lord disciplines the one He loves, and He chastens everyone He accepts as His son.”

There it is. God’s love includes correction. If we serve a God who disciplines because He loves, then why would our love for others look like indifference? Discipline isn’t rejection—it’s redirection. When we see someone walking toward a cliff, silence isn’t love. Love says, “Stop. Turn around. There’s a better way.”

Love and Truth Go Hand in Hand

Paul drives it home in 1 Corinthians 13:6:

“Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.”

This verse cuts through the confusion like a laser. Love doesn’t celebrate everything. It doesn’t affirm what’s harmful. It doesn’t enable. It rejoices with the truth—even when the truth is uncomfortable, even when it’s countercultural. If it isn’t rooted in truth, it isn’t really love.

You can’t separate the two.

Jesus never compromised truth to keep the peace. He loved boldly, and sometimes that meant flipping tables, rebuking leaders, and telling close friends, “Get behind me, Satan.” (Yikes, Peter.)

Love tells the truth. Gently, humbly, and with a heart to restore—but it tells the truth.

Love Wants Better for You

Galatians 6:1 says:

“If someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently.”

There’s the heart of it. The goal isn’t condemnation—it’s restoration. Love doesn’t look at a loved one’s self-destructive choices and say, “Well, that’s their journey.” It says, “Hey, I see where this is headed, and I care too much to stay quiet.”

Restoration, not rejection. Accountability, not apathy.

We all need friends who love us enough to call us out when we’re drifting. And we need to be that kind of friend too.

Wounds That Heal

Proverbs 27:5–6 puts it this way:

“Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.”

Sometimes love wounds. Not in a destructive way—but in a healing way. Like a surgeon’s scalpel that cuts to save. The worst kind of love is the kind that never says the hard thing, just to keep things comfortable. That’s not love—that’s cowardice.

Real friends don’t multiply empty affirmations. Real friends tell the truth, even when it stings. Why? Because they care about your soul, not just your smile.

Jesus Doesn’t Coddle

Even Jesus gets in on this:

“Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline.” —Revelation 3:19

That’s Jesus talking to a church. Not the pagans, not the “outsiders”—His people. And what’s His message? “Because I love you, I’m calling you out. Be earnest. Repent.”

Jesus isn’t into spiritual coddling. He doesn’t pat us on the head while we head the wrong way. He convicts, He calls out, and He calls back—because He loves us too much to let us settle for a life less than abundant.

So What Does This Mean for Us?

It means if we truly love someone, we can’t just let them be when we know they’re walking into destruction. It means we stop confusing politeness with kindness. It means we ask the Spirit for courage to speak and compassion to speak well.

It means we become the kind of people who restore others gently, call out sin humbly, and rejoice in the truth even when it costs us popularity points.

Love is not tolerance. It’s more. It’s higher. It’s holier.

Love bears all things, yes—but it also dares all things. It dares to care. It dares to speak. It dares to call out the gold in others and confront the mud when needed.

Because the goal of love isn’t comfort—it’s transformation.

And transformation never happens in silence.

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