Stacking marshmallows

During the holidays, our family traveled to the land of fire ants and hell-simulating summers (I’m looking at you, Columbia, SC) to celebrate Christmas with The B99’s side of the family. Along with eating more food than seems humanly possible, we also had some fun playing some Minute To Win It types of games (shout out to my niece, Megan, for organizing all the craziness!!). My favorite one involved stacking marshmallows, and whoever had the most normal-sized marshmallows stacked one on top of the other after a minute was the winner.

I think I won, or at least tied for the win, but I’m not here to brag (unless stacking marshmallows really impresses you and makes you want to subscribe to my stuff).

What I noticed was how each person would step up to the table absolutely convinced that he or she could build a really tall marshmallow tower, only to end up with a tower of one when the time ran out and their stack had fallen. This happened almost ever single time, and it didn’t matter what technique the stacker employed. We had smashers, lickers, and shapers, and yet no one was able to get higher than four, and like I said earlier, most of the four-marshmallow towers ended up as one when the three on top fell over at the end.

I’m sure you’ve guessed by now why it’s so difficult to stack marshmallows. I’m also pretty confident you’ve already stepped away from this post and tried for yourself (but if you haven’t, go ahead — I’ll wait for you to come back!). The squishiness of the marshmallow being stacked on can’t maintain the weight of the marshmallows being stacked on it. While “squishiness” probably won’t be used in a scientific journal any time soon, it does describe why so many of us find it challenging to establish new habits, routines, and rhythms.

We try to add new stuff on top of old stuff before the old stuff is firmly established. We’ve all seen it: we have absolutely no foundation of fitness, and yet we join a gym expecting to see magical results within the first 30 days. We’re no different from my family members, each believing they could stack more marshmallows than the person who tried before them: full of energy and optimism, only to realize that more passion doesn’t make up for a shaky (or squishy) foundation.

One of the books that helped me understand this is Atomic Habits by James Clear, and in it, he talks about the art of habit stacking. The simplest definition of habit stacking is adding a new behavior to an already established behavior. Here’s an example that will ring true with plenty of people who, like me, practice spiritual disciplines.

Let’s say you want to start reading the Bible, but you have always had a hard time establishing a consistent time of day for it. Let’s assume you’re also a coffee drinker, and that you have never had a hard time establishing a consistent time of day for that (hello, morning coffee drinkers!!). To help become more consistent in Bible reading, you could “stack” that new discipline on top of your morning cup of coffee. Brew the cup, and then read a chapter in the Bible while you sip it. Do that for a month or so, and Bible reading will become a part of your morning routine along with your coffee.

You just added a good habit to your life by stacking it on something firm.

I don’t know where you want to experience growth in the new year, but stacking marshmallows won’t get it done. Take your time, and use what you know from already established areas of your life to firm up the squishy new thing you’re trying to add.

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