Reading Time: 4 minutes

Tonight, my daughter and I are going to a dance.  She’ll look beautiful in the dress that she’s been picking out for most of the week, and I’ll look clumsy as my feet try to find some kind of rhythm on the dance floor. And when it’s over, we’ll drive home smiling, not because we were the best dancers or even because they’ll serve the best punch. We’ll smile because we were together, and dances are all about dancing with the right partner.

Today is also the highly anticipated release of the movie based on the best-selling book, “50 Shades of Grey,”  and the numbers behind the book that is porn without pictures are staggering:

• Over 100 million copies have been sold (more than The Hobbit or even the C.S. Lewis classic, The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe)
• It is expected to gross close to $90 million at the box office over the first 3 days (almost identical to American Sniper)
• The author, EL James, made 95 MILLION DOLLARS from sales in 2012 and still, almost 3 years later, is raking in $150,000 PER DAY

My takeaway from these numbers? In droves, people are picking the wrong dance partner.  Many have done so because they have no idea what real love looks like. But for the church, for those who follow Jesus, who have seen the best example of what real love is, and who have danced with the best Father, all I keep thinking is…

What the heck are we doing?

When did so many believers allow a man like Mr. Grey to cut in on a dance with Jesus? When did the church trade real love for a counterfeit lust? When did people who may not even love Jesus start making the judgement calls about this stuff that we’re too scared to make because we don’t want to sound judgemental?

Can I gracefully remind the bride of Christ that we can’t afford to trade real love for a counterfeit lust.  Love is just too valuable, and the love of God through us to the world is too powerful to risk losing it for the cheap thrill of “50 Shades.”  Look at the difference between the love that God designed for us and the lust that man has used to blind us to it.

Lust takes; love gives.  Lust uses; love serves.

What’s so bizarre about Christian women reading and watching this story is the fact that Mr. Grey is not the man that they would ever want to marry.  He’s selfish, and only uses Miss Steele to serve HIS desires and HIS pleasures.

[Tweet “We’ve bought the lie that love looks more like The Bachelor than the cross.”]

We’ve bought the lie that love looks more like The Bachelor than the cross.  Love refuses to use another in order to serve its own desires, because love looks like God, and when God loves, He gives.

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. (John 3:16, emphasis is mine)

In real life, women would kick a man like Mr. Grey to the curb because they refuse to be used up by a selfish man.  Don’t be deceived just because they cast a handsome man as Mr. Grey.  Cast that character with someone a lot less “hot” and a lot more “lukewarm,” and suddenly he’s a creep and a perv and you’re running for the hills.

Run anyway.

Lust sees sex as a physical act; love sees sex as a spiritual act.

I’m not gonna lie: sex is mind-blowingly fantastic and is, without a doubt, the best wedding gift God could ever give a married couple.  But it isn’t great if it’s just a one-dimensional physical act.

[Tweet “If sex was just a physical act, prostitution would be the world’s most popular job.”]

If sex was just a physical act, prostitution would be the world’s most popular job. But it’s not. Prostitutes are broken physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually because sex is multi-dimensional.  Movies like “50 Shades of Grey” romanticize the physical act, but they miss out on the best part of sex: the spiritual intimacy and emotional security that can only come when a husband and a wife have abandoned themselves fully to one another in all the other areas of their lives that aren’t limited to a bedroom.

That’s the true love that God offers and that Mr. Grey cheapens, and the people who will be biting their lips as they fantasize about being in a book or a movie with a man like him will eventually find themselves clawing at the chains that were intended to place them in bondage all along.

Proverbs 6:27 says a man cannot put fire in his lap and not be burned, and that’s because sin entices until sin traps, and when we find ourselves enslaved by the very lusts that we thought would free us from our inhibitions, we’ll realize how much greater grace is than Grey. In fact, grace is in the gray, and in a bizarre twist of love that only God is capable of, grace is given in the gray to people who went too far and feel that they have ended up too damaged.

[Tweet “Grace allows itself to be trampled, and then extends itself to the very ones who trampled it.”]

Grace allows itself to be trampled, and then extends itself to the very ones who trampled it. While we may never understand a grace like that, it is exactly that kind of grace that will draw a church racked with porn and lust back to the only shade that matters…

…the crimson blood of Jesus poured out on the cross to redeem us from countless shades of gray.

 

Reading Time: 5 minutes

A couple of months ago, I spent the better part of 2 days on the road traveling across the central and western parts of North Carolina, and that means I saw a TON of billboards.  Those things are EVERYWHERE and most of them have a picture of a WOMAN on them. Ever wonder why?

It isn’t because the advertisers have a bias toward females (although they may), and it definitely isn’t because they’re advertising stuff that females want.  It’s because the people paying the money to fund the ads know that the best way to secure revenue is to throw sexual images on a billboard because, while the actual product being advertised may not get the male driver’s attention, that woman probably will.

And it isn’t just billboards.  Lately every Hardee’s commercial is less about the food and more and more just some girl’s 30-second audition tape for a career in soft-porn.  From NFL cheerleaders to swimsuit editions, sex sells.  Sure, we protest most of it while we watch it (“Man, can you believe how little she’s wearing?” or “Victoria’s Secret should NOT have a prime-time special.  Good thing my kids are in bed.  They’re way too young to see this!”), but it’s not going to change anything for one simple reason:

Too many men are worshiping their penis.

I’m sure there’s a nicer way to say it, but maybe it’s time to just be brutally honest.  Maybe it’s time to stop blushing about a problem that has grown into an epidemic.

Did you know that the porn industry rakes in more revenue every year than the major professional sports leagues COMBINED?

Did you know that the average age of a guy’s first exposure (pun intended) to porn is ELEVEN?

Did you know that 1 in 3 PASTORS are actively viewing this stuff?

Epidemic.

It all starts out so innocently, doesn’t it?  A Hooters billboard here, a Hardee’s commercial there, and before you know it, you’re ticked at your wife or girlfriend because she doesn’t look nearly as good as the last AIRBRUSHED and FAKE PICTURE of a woman you looked at while you worshiped at the altar of your pleasure.

At some point, especially for you GUYS THAT LOVE JESUS, this insanity has got to stop.

There’s a verse in the Bible that comes to mind whenever I think about the pervasiveness of porn and the apparent inability of Christian men to bring it under control.

If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. (Matthew 5:29)

“Are you serious?  You want me to cut off what??”

Relax, men. I don’t think the point of that verse is castration, but I do think that there’s something extremely important that Jesus was trying to get across.

What captivates you?

What consumes your time, your money, your attention?  What so moves you that it motivates you to look harder, look longer, and look no matter what the cost?  Whatever your answer is to those questions is what you’re worshiping.

The answer, of course, for Christ-followers, should be Jesus, and for MALE Christ-followers, it better be.  If Jesus isn’t consuming us, we’ll never be able to look at our wives, girlfriends or girl friends with the eyes of heaven because our eyes will be clouded by the manipulated images of man.

Now, I know what you’re thinking, especially if you’re a church-going male.  You’re thinking it isn’t that big of a deal and that if I was a “real” pastor I wouldn’t even write something like this.  That’s like me saying if you were a “real” Christian you wouldn’t struggle with this.  But the truth is that Jesus spoke about it because He knew that purity in this area was something that would be a real struggle for real men who really love Him.

Did you notice that the amputation verse is smack-dab in the middle of Jesus’ teaching about lust and adultery?  Did you catch the connection between the eyes and the heart? Jesus told the men of His day what advertisers of our day already know: the eyes capture what eventually captures the heart.  That’s why the top 100 advertisers in the United States spent over 100 BILLION DOLLARS last year alone.  It’s because they know that IF YOU LOOK AT SOMETHING LONG ENOUGH, EVENTUALLY YOU’LL END UP LOVING IT.

We don’t want that to be true.  We want to believe that if we just love Jesus enough, it will all go away.  Yeah, and how’s that working for you?  Not only is the issue not going away, but it’s getting worse, and so it’s time for Jesus men to MAN UP and LOOK UP.

It’s time for Jesus men to take seriously the wisdom that David wrote about after his eyes almost cost him a kingdom.

I will set before my eyes no vile thing.  The deeds of faithless men I hate; they will not cling to me. (Psalm 101:3)

David learned the truth he wrote about after a forbidden peep show led to murder (you can read it for yourself starting in 2 Samuel 11).  David didn’t wake up one morning and put “being a murderer” on his bucket list anymore than you woke up this morning hoping to be an unfaithful husband to your current (or future) wife.  It never ends as small as it begins, and according to Jesus and David, it begins with a distant gaze that grows into a consuming blaze.

The question, then, is what will we look at and what will consume us?

For some men, the answers will be tragic.  They will choose to place worthless things in front of their eyes through screens of all shapes and sizes that will spark a wildfire that will burn and never be satisfied.  In its wake will be broken families, trafficked women and bankrupted souls.

But for others – for the Jesus men who recognize the fight and refuse to shy away from it – the answers will be transforming.  Everyday we will live out the truth of Hebrews 12 that begins with our eyes fixed on Jesus and ends with our hearts worshiping a God Who is a consuming fire.  In our wake will be a generation who knows more freedom than failure and lives more as victors than victims.

Will it be easy?  No.  Swimming against the current of culture never is.

Will there be mistakes?  Yes.  No war was ever won without lost battles along the way.

Will we win?  Every single time we choose to keep fighting.

**********

If you’re choosing to fight, let me leave you with a few practical steps that can help you as you do.

ONE, tell somebody.  I love James 5:16…”confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.”  There is tremendous strength in honesty.  I love how Tyler – one of our elders at The Gathering – says it: “Porn is such a big secret for most because of the shame it brings.  To nail it to the cross requires one to be completely open, completely honest and submitting to godly leaders that hold you accountable. It’s not easy denying yourself by yourself.”  That last comment is why the second step is so important.

TWO, find community.  This almost needs to go hand in hand with number one because accountability is nothing without community.  At The Gathering where I pastor, we’re working hard to create a community where people are encouraged to grow in grace.  You’ve got to have people in your corner who understand that grace takes time and grace gives time.  That’s so important when we’re fighting sin because some days are better than others. Community reminds us that the grace of Jesus doesn’t change with our wins and losses.

THREE, go public.  No, I don’t mean tell the whole world.  I just mean move your computer to a family room and/or get a filter for your browser or device that alerts others about what you’re viewing.  The folks over at XXXChurch can probably come in handy here.

Those are just three that come to mind, but I’m sure you’ve got some, too.  Feel free to share them in the comment section below.