Did you miss Part I, Part II, Part III, or Part IV?

Mmmm! I woke to the smell of breakfast cooking and stretched in the bed. It was a new day and last night seemed like a bad dream. Maybe it was. Maybe it was all just one bad dream! I jumped out of bed and ran to my parents’ room. Dad was still in the bed and I called to him as I jumped up.

“Good morning, Dad!” He didn’t move. No hug, no words, nothing. My smile faded as quickly as my hope that I had been dreaming. I knew better. Just like always, my father was passed out from all the beer the night before. He’d be this way for at least an hour; he always was.

As I watched him, I got angry. I wanted to pull out his belt and whip him, just like he’d whipped me the night before. My back still stung from the beating and I wanted to hurt him the way he’d hurt me! But, I couldn’t. I dropped my head in my hands and could feel my face burning from the shame. How could I even think something like that? He was my father, and I loved him. Anyway, he wouldn’t even remember what had happened. He never did. Why punish him for something that he wouldn’t even remember? Only a bad son would do that. My father deserved a better kid than me.

Tomorrow: Lost time – Part VI

Did you miss Part I, Part II, or Part III?

The pain shot from my back to every part of my body. It was intense, white-hot, and it brought me up in the bed ready to fight.

“What do you want?”

“The garbage! You forgot to take out the garbage. You always forget things! What’s wrong with you, anyway? Now get up and take out the trash!”

“But, dad, it’s raining. Can’t I take it out in the morning?”

The swift slap was followed by even more rage. “Don’t you ever talk back to me! Now go do what I said!!”

I cried as I took out the trash, and the tears mixed with the rain and soothed my throbbing cheek. Drops from heaven ran down my back and cooled the new stripe that had been added to my reminders of other nights. I wanted to stay outside. I wanted to walk down the driveway and never come back. But, I couldn’t. My mom needed me. She needed me to protect her, to fix our family.

As I crawled back into my bed, I was already dreading the next night. It would be the same as tonight, and last night, and the multitude of nights before those. Last night it was the dishes, tonight the trash. I could never please him, no matter how hard I tried. He always found something that I had done wrong, or hadn’t done at all. As I slipped into sleep, I prayed that God would make me a good kid.

Tomorrow: Lost time – Part V

Did you miss Part I or Part II?

As soon as dinner was over, Dad would go out with his friends. I wished he would take me with him, but at least my dad had friends to play with. Mom would clean up, got to her room, and leave me to entertain myself until I went to bed. My father always seemed to come home just as I was lying down. I always wished that he wasn’t home, or that I was already asleep. I hated it when he came home.

The slam of the car door followed by the house door, then his footsteps in the hall, moving closer and growing louder, echoing the beating of my heart. He stopped outside my door.

“Hey, boy!”

His voice was loud, gruff, and it scared me. I pretended I was asleep.

“I’m talking to you!”

Now? Why not at the table when I actually wanted to talk?

“I know you’re awake,” he said, pushing the door open. “Now sit up when I’m talking to you!”
I could smell the beer even though he was still in the hall. He was drunk and mad, and I almost sat up. But if I could just convince him I was asleep, maybe he’d got to bed.

I lay as still as I could, my back to my dad, and I heard him step into the room. The sound of the belt whipping through the loops on his pants almost called my bluff, but I knew the beating would be worse if he knew I was lying about being asleep, and so I didn’t move.

Tomorrow: Lost time – Part IV