Did you miss Part I?

She found herself at the end of a tunnel, even though she could not remember ever passing through one. It was well lit, but outside the tunnel was pitch black. It was the heavy, thick blackness that fills the heart with dread. She could hear laughter, but she could see no one.

“Patty!”

She spun quickly and saw her husband standing at the other end of the tunnel. He was here! She wasn’t alone and she started to run toward him but before she could make any real headway, the tunnel was gone. So were the lights, and so was her husband. She stood alone, somehow suspended in the darkness. She wasn’t sure where, or even how, she was standing, but she knew she was high above any solid ground and she knew that she was trapped.

She screamed, and the sound of her terror filled the darkness that surrounded her. Two years of hell were in that scream, and she saw herself arching backwards and convulsing as she released it.

Before it ever stopped echoing, she saw it – a band of light streaming towards her. She stood, unafraid, sensing the peace the light was bringing. Watching herself as if from a distance, she saw the band shoot through her and then curve back up towards the place of its origin.

Hopelessness – Conclusion tomorrow…

It was dark again. Nighttime always made her think. Maybe that’s why she feared the darkness so. It seemed to push against her, draining her of any hope that the day may have brought her. Problems that seemed insignificant during the day grew unconquerable as the soon as the sun retired.

She listened to her husband of four years sleeping beside her. Her mind raced, replaying all the fights from the day. She hadn’t realized until now that there had been so many, and while he slept, she panicked. Once again, she muttered to herself, he wins. His rhythmic breathing filled the empty night air, and she found herself resenting him even more.

How have we come to this, she wondered, almost letting it slip through her lips. She began searching the four years since their wedding day, and even the few months of courtship beforehand. There had to be something that had happened, something that seemed too small to deal with at the time but which had grown over the years together. She was relieved at the idea of finding the cause and quickly resolving it, returning their lives to normal.

Nothing. Impossible, she muttered. There has to be something, someplace where the gulf between them had started to form. The horror of finding nothing began to fill her throat, and she coughed, struggling for air. She felt trapped, unable to escape the daily fight she was in with a man she cared so deeply for and yet whose very existence seemed to make sharing her love with him impossible. She wiped the water from her face – maybe a tear or two, but mostly cold sweat – and tried to calm herself. She closed her eyes and gave sleep another try.

Hopelessness – Part II tomorrow…

Did you miss Part I?

I sat down, the hopelessness of my questions overtaking me, and cried ugly. As I wept, I felt the peaceful presence of One Who knew more than I, and I felt comfort in that peace. He spoke and I listened. He told of His love and of the everlasting nature of His love. His words held me as a mother holds her own, and I pleaded with Him not to stop. He showed me the finality of man’s love, but also the infinity of His own. He spoke a bit longer and then rose to leave. As He did, I felt the comfort leaving, too, and as if He knew, He turned and caught my eyes in His for what seemed an eternity. Something about that gaze made me uncomfortable and peaceful all at once, and yet it was unexplainable. Finally, He opened His mouth, His eyes never leaving mine, and the words He spoke were alive, cutting through my confusion, my hopelessness, my despair.

“I love you.”

He was gone, and yet, He wasn’t. His words hung in the air and surrounded me like the warmth of an early morning cup of joe. I rose to leave, sad now, sorry that I couldn’t stay in this place forever and feel the comfort of His words. And yet, the words came with me. They were everywhere I went, everywhere I looked. They were in the brush of the wind, the heat of the sun, the chill of the night. Everything echoed what He had said.

“I love you.”

I raised my hands to the heavens and smiled. Thank you! Thank you for those 3 simple, marvelous words! “I love you,” He had said. Present tense, never past. Once was, now is, it will always last. Love. The word is itself one of beginnings. It is a word that speaks of eternity.