My first kiss was going to be epic.
It was early in the school year, and I had a plan. Armed with as much courage as a middle schooler could muster, I shared it with some friends at the lockers before school, and much to my surprise, by lunchtime my plan had become theirs. They talked about it extensively over pizza with curled-up pepperoni that doubled as grease pools. They mapped out the best place and the right time: just after school outside the main building in the courtyard. I could feel the pressure rising as I left the cafeteria.
They must have sent out invitations, because by the time I got to the designated place, it seemed like “The Kiss” had drawn as much attention as “The Decision” would years later. The only difference would be my lack of any real talent to take to South Beach.
Adding to the growing fear was the fact that my Grandma was picking me up from school that day, and I could see her Dodge Omni, which meant that SHE COULD PROBABLY SEE ME!! None of this was going according to plan, and when my friends started turning up the heat by telling me to quit being so scared, I closed my eyes, leaned in with quivering lips, and…
…missed.
In fairness to me, she turned her head at the last second, and what was supposed to be an epic kiss on her middle school lips turned into a passionless peck in no-man’s land somewhere between her nose and her eye.
At the time, it was humiliating. Now, it’s just a funny story about a skinny kid enduring the shame of a failed middle school “romance.” It’s also a really good picture of how screwy our world is getting.
In case you haven’t noticed, the tolerant are growing increasingly intolerant.
Tony Dungy (yes, THAT Tony Dungy – the one who has been hailed by many as the greatest man to walk the planet since Jesus) is being demonized because he said that he probably wouldn’t have drafted Michael Sam in the NFL draft. Not because Sam made sure that everyone knew he was gay before the draft, but because Sam wasn’t considered good enough to be drafted by EVERY FREAKIN’ NFL TEAM except one, and even they waited until the draft was almost over before selecting him.
The statement that has gotten Dungy into so much hot water happened during an interview with the Tampa Tribune. Dungy said that, if he were still coaching today, he wouldn’t have drafted Sam “(n)ot because I don’t believe Michael Sam should have a chance to play, but I wouldn’t want to deal with all of it. It’s not going to be totally smooth…things will happen.”
The “it” that Dungy was referring to is the media circus that is bound to follow Sam wherever he ends up trying to make the team. Of course, Dungy saying this has turned him into the worst kind of homophobe known to man instead of possibly the best coach known to man. It has led to vile, hate-filled social media backlash low enough to even accuse Dungy of driving his son to suicide.
You know, just the kind of thing you’d expect from really tolerant people.
It’s funny how quickly the tolerant can turn into playground bullies when you say anything even remotely opposed to what they want you to tolerate.
Need more proof? Just consider the backlash and outcry raised against the NFL head coach who was quoted saying this: “He seems like a great guy to have on a team, and I’d be tempted to bring him in as our backup. But it’s just not worth dealing with all the stuff that comes with it.” That coach suffered the same social whipping as one of his colleagues who made this statement: “You don’t want to put up with the circus.”
Oh, wait. My bad. There was no social outcry or media frenzy pointing out those coaches. In fact, they were allowed to remain anonymous. Why?
Because they were talking about Tim Tebow.
One creates a lynch mob, the other barely a yawn.
And both bring me back to that day outside the middle school when I leaned in for a kiss and missed.
It doesn’t take a neurosurgeon to see the failed connection between faith and culture. Today, everyone appears to want to connect on a deeper level than just a kiss on the cheek, but the only way to do that is to risk something in order to connect.
Dungy risked something by giving an honest answer. I risked something by leading with my lips. The people on the other end of both of those reacted exactly the same: they turned away because they didn’t really want what either of us was offering.
There is a risk in honest conversation, just like the risk of a kiss. But the reward is a foundation that can support the awkwardness that may follow. In a culture that preaches the religion of tolerance and acceptance – in other words, a culture that appears to want to “kiss” everything and everyone – we may have forgotten a very simple truth about kisses: they mean something.
They are a sign of a heart and a soul that are intentionally given to the person being kissed, and when you start throwing them out like candy, they stop seeming as important as they should. It seems odd that Proverbs 24:26 equates an honest answer with a kiss on the lips until you really start to think about how honesty is what all of us really want in our closest relationships, the ones that typically have a lot of kissing.
None of us grew up hoping to fall in love with a liar. We didn’t include hypocrisy as part of our wedding vows. I can’t think of a single time that someone I loved lied to me and I was glad they did.
Honesty is at the core of the best relationships, and it will be no different with the best cultures. Sometimes the apparent acceptance of everything just masks the real rejection of something. I want to build a life with Wendy (The B99) because she loves me enough to tell me the truth and then stay with me while I work through it. Michael Sam’s response to Tony Dungy’s honesty was to tweet later that he’s glad Tony Dungy wasn’t his coach.
Really? You wouldn’t want someone with the character to speak consistently and courageously about tough issues in your corner? If Sam really means that, then I wonder if he wants to be known more as the first openly gay NFL player than as the greatest late-round find since Tom Brady.
I know this post could easily be seen as “anti-whateveryouloveandthinkIdon’t” by the people who read it, but that’s not the point at all.
The point is that if we really want the truth, we’ll hang in there when the heat rises and we won’t turn away with smokescreens about issues that don’t matter. We’ll be consistent, we’ll be fair, and we’ll be honest. And while we may not always agree with what is said, we won’t run away from the people who love us enough to tell us what we need to hear, even when we don’t want to hear it.
Until then, we’re just a couple of middle-school kids too afraid to kiss.
